Fortune Cookies

Although the 2017 calendar says otherwise, I woke up today knowing it was *really* Easter. Easter 2015. Every April 5th will always be *our* Easter. Easter in my heart and soul; I woke up feeling the memories in my very core. Her favorite holiday, although there was not a holiday she didn’t insist on celebrating,…

My Florida Pieces

Last year, today, I cry/drove away from my Northern Florida fellow DIPG mama and dear friend. I was a grateful, returning, visiting companion wanting to help; help them help their daughter, and in return? They helped ME. My goal was to be body guard for the door, chauffeur, if needed. Maid? I tried, but I’m…

Home

Well, it’s official. We are moving. Most of you have known we were looking, but not too many know how this came about. 5 years ago this month, Hurricane Irene devastated our cul de sac and surrounding area  in Wayne, NJ. So much so, that talks of hypothetical buyouts became reality. Our beautiful neighborhood, my…

Love for Lily 3.0

After a few days of rest and (still) emptying out cars and trunks of Love for Lily boxes, I have had time to reflect. I would be remiss and negligent in attempting to Facebook tag all of you who made Love For Lily – Annual Lily LaRue Foundation Golf Outing 3.0 the amazing and successful…

Strawberry Moon 2016

The summer solstice has always been honored and revered in my gypsy life. I come from a long line of European farmers, Vikings and warriors and gatherers;those that have traveled,lived and thrived from and of the Earth. I have always sought out #thewheelinthesky. The four elements of earth air fire water has been venerated annually…

Cancerversary is the WORST word EVER

I’m *so* stupid. How did I think I wouldn’t feel the full weight of an anniversary sucker punch. 2 years later… Freaking California Chrome. The year before was”Where’s Lil” ….Let me explain… Every year we traveled for a family vacation in Hershey Park PA that always coincided and included Kentucky Derby horse races. We joked…

Golden Mickey

It’s been weeks ( let’s be honest, months!! If not years) of grief driven anxiety and distress. We start grieving the day of diagnosis. I only know this in hindsight now.  The days before cancer and DIPG and all the days after are unmistakable and distinct. I live in an English moors fog- a heavy…

April 6, 2016

     My words will not come easily nor confidently today. I knew this. This is regular calendar day by any other standards except my own. A year ago today our Lily LaRue left  us. She was six years old. She was diagnosed with DIPG(diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma) on May 4, 2014. She fought for 11…

Leap Year

This 2016 February month is not the one I would have chosen as a leap year. The one with an extra day. I would have preferred having an extra day with my Lily LaRue in 2015, who would then, unknowingly,  leave this earth too soon ; leave my arms,  2 months later, April 6, 2015….

Always 

I chose to walk the beach today in simple and natural commemoration of the past few days and in preparation of the days before me.    I vowed on this ” Eat, Pray, Love” trip ( thank you $59 jet blue ticket) I would recognize moments and conversation and *time spent with* as gifts. Empowerment…

9 months

I have only ever equated a 9 month time frame to brewing bebes. To birth! To life! My own little, perfect  magical and individual superhumans; even the twins had there own separate uterine bubbles of peace and absolute serenity, where I would feed and soothe them.    I *glowed* with honor and excitement and joy….