I’m Barbara Anderson and this is 2020

Reflecting on 2019 from a eucalyptus and lavender steam and hot tub on NYE is NOT how I thought the year would go out. A second round of pneumonia pre- Christmas and the kid’s holiday break was mostly executed from the family room where I quarantined myself. A pasty, pale, bobbleheaded sloth of sick and…

Styrofoam Packaging Peanuts: Filler

“And I’m so sick of love songsSo tired of tearsSo done with wishingYou were still hereSaid, I’m so sick of love songsSo sad and slowSo why can’t I turn off the radio?….”-So Sick Ne-Yo First- I’d like to give a shout out to “nappers”. Some of my favorite people just *nap*. Conflict? Nap. Sad? Nap….

Half

“ It’s the edge of the world and all of western civilization”…..-Red Hot Chili Peppers Today it is for the Anderson’s . Maybe more so for Mrs. Anderson….. I *felt* this pre-bday sunset ( and sunrise bc sleep was not my friend last night..) . And I want to be *kind* to Brady and never…

No Pain No Champagne subtitle: Crown

Yesterday was my favorite holiday: Stafford Wine Fest. I came from a place of “yes”. I misplaced my hat and processed to wear a bedazzled crown for the next 10 hours. I have pictures. There was a lot of peopling. This is where things get fuzzy. Today’s run is going to be painful. That is…

No Pain No Champagne subtitle: The Water “Situation”

So today was unexpected. That depression and windy rain I wrote about the other day? Well, she has a name: Hurricane Melissa. It’s made a wet mess of our island and southern beach towns. Also canceled : my favorite LBI Kite festival ( for today. Tba tomorrow and Sunday) as well as the 18 mile…

No Pain No Champagne #MarathonBarbie #runbrun #teamlilylarue

This is my first blog only representing the first two days of my crowdrise and is only the beginning of my 26.2 mile journey the last few months. I am running in the NY Marathon on November 3, 2019. That was June 1st….I remember I was in tears at my son’s baseball game. I was…

Times Gone By….

Should old acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, And long, long ago And for long, long ago, my dear For long, long ago. We’ll take a cup of kindness yet For long, long ago. And surely youll buy your pint-jug! And surely I’ll buy mine! And we’ll take…

My September Garden

Henry David Thoreau said: “[You] will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Thoreau suggests that the universe will begin to conspire with you to fulfill your wishes. This is the law of co-creation…. You are welcomed to look this up yourself. I WILL touch upon this at a later date. The funny thing…

The Butterfly Effect

I’ve had a particularly hard time finding my voice and tone today. Sleep has alluded me all week with Easter and this massive date coming upon me. It’s DEFINITELY not a #yellyvoice I find nor have used. I am profoundly troubled and amazed and defeated??? that Lily LaRue has been gone 3 years. It feels…

papillon

On my way to the DC DIPG Collaborative meeting, driving 95 South is not something that comes easy nor do I look forward to it. The stomach butterflies are violent and vicious and my anxiety is at an all time high. It’s not the miles nor hours. This is a drive that we have done…

My Hibernation militancy- mindset was put to the test because Brady had a basketball game this morning and said, “Mom! I started your coffee! I’ll see you at 10:15”… So I bundled up like a fashionable lumberjack and trekked out into outside hell because Brady ❤️❤️ They won! Basketball is very stressful FYI. 18-17. We celebrated with Sweet Jenny’s and since I was already out, I made a left to the bay instead of right Home. Bay is frozen with seagulls walking across. A clear view to the lighthouse and so I walked…. for a long time because you can’t run in my pretty but warm black patten leather snow boots I love so much…. I didn’t sleep last night and now you/we know why… 4 children died from DIPG since the New Year; 2 sets of twins separated physically within a week because of DIPG….and this stealth faith and hope I have is *so* tested…. how is it possible to cry so much and not die of THAT as well? I have had private conversations with so many of you about this every single time and each time it’s like the first time. This will never get “easier”. You cannot get “used to it” nor harden your heart. Each child gone is a light that has dimmed our world… made lesser; a dagger to the heart. To *my* heart. Each one opens a forever 4/6/15 wound that runs deep…. “Some wounds run too deep for the healing. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5) But I #keepon “There are some wounds that one can heal only by deepening them and making them worse….” Villiers de L’Isle-Adam Worse because there is no cure… yet. There is no consistency… yet. Stability NOW. But I vow to be a part of the change that makes this a thing of the past and false in the future. I *know* the change is coming. I just know like I know it’s too cold here. “Our deepest wounds surround our greatest gifts”. Ken Page So I am one cashmere hair away from a Mrs Roper style “I’ve given up on life” moo moo I found hanging in my closet that goes well with fuzzy socks…. . A soft grey, beautiful, warm blanket of love, but trust me, I realized quickly I am borderline especially when paired with a Franciscan monk/Star Wars Sith style hooded ( yet fabulous!!!) wool sweater…. consume not consumed. I’m not lost yet…. I heard a song today that said “Living in the memory of your song”… and I looked it up because I heard “ Living in the memory of your SUN”. And I chose that. I choose to live with and for and because of the memory of your sun….a Unicorn sun; bedazzled and fierce.

Fortune Cookies

Although the 2017 calendar says otherwise, I woke up today knowing it was *really* Easter. Easter 2015. Every April 5th will always be *our* Easter. Easter in my heart and soul; I woke up feeling the memories in my very core. Her favorite holiday, although there was not a holiday she didn’t insist on celebrating,…